Seasons of Life

Let me start off by saying how amazing life is. Sure it has its ups and downs, but as a whole it is quite remarkable.

I remember being fresh out of high school and going through the motions that were expected of most new graduates; move out, go to college, become an adult. Seemed like so much at the time. Although, many of the friends I knew followed the same path. Looking back now, I know that I was just a pawn in the game called LIFE.

For the first semester of college I attended classes (most days) and went to some of the campus events or parties not feeling like it made sense but in many cases because "that is what college students do". I left after that semester because I wasn't seeing the value in what I was doing there. I was away from the rules of home and loving it but still not really wanting to be out doing what all the other young adults were doing. I spent a lot of time in my room just trying to make it feel like a home but could never get that warm fuzzy feeling I anticipated. Don't get me wrong though, I did enjoy the few months that I was there and the friends that I met, but I always knew something was missing for me.

I moved back home and life just began to happen. I was married with a kid, lived a very brief time as a stay at home mom until I found work - never really seemed like anything "out of the ordinary" but somehow, not how I had envisioned real life to be. Eventually, I had ended up a single mother with a baby on the way, new job, and a lot of things going on around me. Still, I was moving with the flow - not always a smooth journey, but still flowing along.

My mom (Cindy) used to talk about moving to Arizona. I always thought she was crazy when she asked if I would move there too. Why would anyone move away from the beauty of Colorado to the barren wastelands of the desert? Unfortunately, my mom never made that move before she passed away and the years to follow had a definite void but still I went with the flow of what went on around me.

I'll never really be able to pinpoint it exactly but I needed a change - anything. Whether it was a new job, a new place to live, both - something just needed to be different. Just like so many others I told myself there had to be more, wished for more, but it never seemed to "just happen". I had a few job interviews and even put in applications for potential houses. I received one interview ironically in Arizona with the same company I was with. Half chuckling to myself, "like I'd ever really move there", the whole time. Until they offered me the job and 45 days to relocate.

I was in a tizzy about what I had just gotten myself into. People don't just up and move on whim's notice. They don't uproot their kids and life as they know it to move somewhere strange and less exciting for the same pay. At least this is what I kept yelling at myself the whole time I was packing, canceling and creating leases, collecting school information, trying to find a way to even get money to move. However, I had so little backbone (contrary to the popular opinion) that I just couldn't tell the new boss that I was just bored and I was only kidding about taking the new job.

Through every obstacle that kept trying to ground me in my comfort zone of home I had to claw and fight to find a way through it. Somehow, I always managed to find a way. I was used to finding ways around obstacles in life just as debris does in a stream - it flows around things, sometimes getting stuck until it finds its way around on a different route so it keeps flowing along. This was similar but different. It's like I had been misplaced into a sea and I was unfamiliar with the "flow of things". I kept telling myself I could figure it out because that's what my mom would've done. Sounds kind of silly now but that was honestly the only motivation I had at the moment (for those of you wondering WHY I left Colorado - sorry no huge, insightful epiphany). However, for the first time in my life, I felt that I was the one that made it happen. I finally felt like I had control to make life do what I wanted and not just be a pawn.

There was an adjusting period where I had to absorb what I had done and where to go moving forward. I wasn't going to sit around waiting for life to happen to me again - that's way too much waiting and I wasn't always fond of the route it took when it picked up. So I joined a group - improv acting to be specific. It was fun but I wanted more. I began working with a group of wrestlers. I was able to wear so many hats - photographer, marketing, public relations, advising board, etc. It had been enough activity to sustain me for awhile but I still wanted more so I enrolled in college as a full time student just to see how I would fare in it.

After I got comfortable with the flow of college, work, and motherhood I again began to feel too cozy and began working with a charity doing some of the same work I enjoyed with the wrestling group. I took on the honors program at school - again, just to see if I could do it if I put the effort into it. Other charity work and side projects were continuously added to the schedule. Sometimes, it was a little too much but when I cut back, I felt unproductive - even bored. It was as if the challenge that the move had on me opened up a door to some beast who just wanted more challenges to chew up.

That brings us to the present day. I still work regularly with two charities, starting my 3rd year as a full time college student in the honors program, periodically working with the wrestlers and acting scene still all while working and being a full time mom to two high school kids. It really sounds like so little in a list but it usually keeps me busy.

The point is this... don't be just a pawn in life. You have the power to make things happen. Maybe it's not always exactly how you envisioned it and it's rarely easy, but good things will come with hard work - which is not always fun but well worth the results. I don't think that had I stayed in Colorado I would feel as successful in life and maybe that is why I don't have a desire to move back anytime soon (maybe to retire unless I move somewhere more exotic). I still struggle with the daily things in life but rarely let it get in the way because I know that I have the power to find a way to change it.

Find your motivation, step out of your comfort zone sometimes. Get out and DO something. Sitting at home or on the computer wishing things were different is not going to make things change - whether it is your personal life, career, politics, or even spiritual growth. I haven't even decided what exactly it is that I want to accomplish from life yet - OMG I'd be unstoppable!

I still am not ready to plunge into anything and tend to dip my toe in the water before deciding to jump in. But DO test the water, DO something out of your ordinary once in awhile and do LIVE your life instead of just being an extra in the spotlight of the stars. You Can be the STAR of Your Own Life!